Companion

I'm going to try to post more. Maybe once a day or so, because this blog should be my place for therapy. And because I'm thinking about my husband, hundreds of miles away, I remembered this passage that was read in our wedding ceremony. It's a Native American blessing and it's very appropriate, even four years after our wedding day.

"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."

So much to say. So much to do.

There's so much I could say about the last four months of my life. It's hard to say it in a way that doesn't take forever or put readers to sleep, so I'll try the best I can to summarize. I've always liked bullet points. I find them to be direct and easy to navigate. Bullets are my fact organizer of choice.

• Neil graduated from the US Coast Guard boot camp on April 29th, 2011.
• I'm very proud of him. As I've always been.
• Neil turned 29 the day after he graduated. We're getting old.
• His first assignment as a nonrate is in Seattle, WA on board a 378 high-endurance cutter named USCGC Midgett.
• It's funny that a 6'4" guy is stationed on a ship named The Midgett.
• We decided I would stay behind for a few months to get the finances in order and the house ready to rent.
• So he's a geo-bachelor and living on the ship.
• Which means I'm learning how to master living and sleeping by myself.
• I've gotten a lot better at it.
• I'm moving to Seattle (or really a little island near Seattle) at the end of September.
• I'm scared crapless.
• I can't think about leaving people behind because the sadness does me no favors.
• I have to focus not on what's staying here, but what's waiting for me there.
• Neil is waiting for me there.
• I'm pretty sure I'm not going to survive saying goodbye to my parents.
• That is easily, hands down, going to be the worst part.
• I can't think about that though, because my emotional survival is crucial.
• The movers are coming to pack up the house on September 21.
• The movers will be unpacking our house in our new apartment on October 1st.
• I'm hoping I'll be able to keep my job and work remotely.
• If not, it's going to be a scramble to find employment.
• The Midgett is about to leave port for three months.
• It's hard to imagine Neil being underway and unavailable.
• But I've spent the last four months that way ... I can handle three more.

Welcome to my new life.

A new man

So I've come to realize that the man I reunite with on April 29th will be a new man. The same man, but a new one. One filled with loyalty, respect and devotion to duty to the United States Coast Guard. An even better man than the one I had to walk away from Monday night, leaving him in a dank Sacramento hotel to wait bravely for the unknown. As if this woman could get any luckier.

Neil shipped out to boot camp in Cape May, NJ at 3am Tuesday, March 8th. He'll graduate the day before his 29th birthday. I couldn't be prouder of all he's accomplished to get to this point, the hurdles he's overcome and handled with grace and dignity. He's amazing now, and I can't wait to meet Neil 2.0.

Just to give you an idea of what will happen over the next eight weeks. (All photos are copyright of the US Coast Guard. I'm borrowing them from their Flickr photostream).

Since I can't be there to photograph Neil myself, I can only assume his experiences will be similar to those of other recruits:

His bus ride to base probably looked a lot like this:

 

His first night probably looked something like this, waiting to do paperwork and be issued his gear.

 

My mom was worried about him not having a jacket, so I had to show her that he'll be issued winter gear should the weather require it. "Issued" means "deducted from his paycheck."

He'll be learning a lot in a classroom similar to this. Bootcamp isn't all about physical exhaustion ... it's a mental workout too.

 

 He'll have to learn to climb a rope and ring a bell. I'm worried for him with this challenge. :)

 

He'll also learn how to be a fireman, and to put out fires on boats. I find it ironic that boats catch on fire.

 

I'm hoping he'll be asked to volunteer for the Recruit Honor Guard or Drill Team while he's there. They do a demo during the graduation ceremony and wouldn't that be an awesome surprise. 

Anyway, the lack of contact is slowly killing me, but I've come to realize that writing about my day to him just as if I were talking about it has become very therapeutic. I carry a notebook around with me everywhere in case I think of something throughout the day to revisit in a letter. He told me to write to him about mundane tasks so that he can get a sense of normalcy in his crazy new environment. Tomorrow's update will pertain to the newest episode of Jersey Shore. I told him to wave at Pauly D and Vinny for me. I really wish I could send him videos too because the new Charlie Sheen updates are amazing. 

Anyway, Neil, I love you more and miss you every second. 

49 days and a wake up left.

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

March 8th

It's two weeks away. I'm trying not to freak out but I can feel the stress creeping up on me. My life will never be the same after March 8th. It will be better, sure, but not the same. And it's the unknown that's killing me. The forced independence. The loneliness. Not having the man I've shared every waking moment of the last nine years with around to talk to.

I know I'll be fine eventually. It's the first few days I'm scared of the most.

14 days left.

To be remembered

I'm posting this here so I have access to it always.
So I remember it always.

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Eternal Father, Lord of hosts,
Watch o’er the men who guard our coasts.
Protect them from the raging seas
And give them light and life and peace.
Grant them from Thy great throne above
The shield and shelter of Thy love.

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Task at hand

The next task I have added to my to-do list (immediately after "finish painting master bedroom") is to create a mantel-style headboard on the cheap. Meaning, for under $100. I think I have figured out a way to do it using various ornate trim pieces from Home Depot and building it out with 2x4s. We'll see. I'm determined.

I'm thinking using a focal moulding similar to this style (egg and dart):

This is the end result I have in mind: Wish me luck!

A day of rest

The past few weeks have been so crazy that I've barely had time to think, let alone clean my house or pay attention to my dogs. Both of those things are lame! With some additional items added to my long list of daily duties in the office, I've been running around like a headless chicken until I pass out.

But today was different. I got into the office and the internet and phone lines were down, rendering me unable to check my email, respond to requests or conduct my daily business. So I decided to go back home to work. Only to realize that I can't connect to the remote server as a result of the Internet outage at the office.

It's basically God giving me a day of rest. And I think I'll take him up on it. A bowl of salsa and chips and the couch are calling my name. I believe the pillow was in on it too.

I'll get a few hours in before the hubby gets home. We're having date night at the movies to see No Strings Attached. I have high hopes!

Time

Time is of the essence and it's in short supply.

I haven't had a lot of time to update my blog, either this one or ByTheWag. But I take that as a sign that life is full and when I'm not working, I'm spending time with who and what matter most to me.

But time is also scarce for another reason. My secret. Which is no longer a secret.

Neil is enlisting in the Coast Guard.

Barring any odd finds in his background screening, he'll be shipping off to boot camp in a matter of weeks. Maybe months. Either way, very soon I'll be lonely and without my best friend. But I'm finding it easy to keep the bigger picture in mind and I know that the sacrifice and risk will change our lives for the better. It's an exciting idea. And it's awesome to finally see my husband, my dearest love, completely brought to life.

The Secret

Can I just say that withholding information has never been my strong point when it comes to my life. And lately it's been really hard to keep my mouth shut about things I want nothing more than to talk about. We have chosen very, very exclusively who we share the news with so far ... not just out of necessity, but also because it's not something we want to make a big deal of until the time is right, and it may never be.

This is not easy for me, this secrecy bit. But yet I enjoy it at the same time. It's exciting and it's frightening. I'm anxious, in a good way, for the unknown and the adventures that are sure to follow.

More later. Maybe. Or not.

Welcome

I welcomed in the new year last night with some of my most favorite people. We played video games, ate delicious food, pampered ourselves with spa treatments and had a fantastic time. It was the perfect night to sum up 2010 and the blessings I've been given in my life. I have so much to be thankful for, and the friendship I share with these wonderful people is something I count on and will lean on in the future.

Life. Is. Good.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day

The new year is almost upon us. Each year I can't help but wonder, on the eve of that first day, how my life will change over the course of the next 365 days.

Last year, our new year's day was spent buying a car. Neil's Saab died on Christmas Eve and we replaced it a week later. Nothing like starting out 2010 with a car payment. But we managed, and it's going well. It wasn't the devastating blow to our finances I had feared. We got a nice car out of the deal with an affordable payment, and for that I'm grateful.

So, how will 2011 turn out? I guess there's really no way of knowing is there? I do know this year has the potential to be quite different from what we're used to. Things will most likely change. How drastically they change will be the surprise and I look forward to finding out.

The unknown ... is an adventure.
Maybe 2011 will be the start of ours.

But being that it's New Year's Eve Eve (and I probably won't have enough time to do this tomorrow) I should probably get my resolutions down in print. Normally I don't make resolutions because they usually end up broken. But this year one of my promises ... is to keep my promises.

So here we go, my resolutions for 2011:

1. Be a better friend. Ask questions. Listen. Be understanding.

2. Be a better wife. Relax. Be patient. Relax. Be patient.

3. Take more risks. Be confident. Work harder. Believe in myself.

4. Stick to my goals. Be resilient. Be strong.

5. Worry less. Worry less. Worry less. Worry less.

Fog lights required

I am in a Christmas fog.

It happens every year, like a lazy depression. Not actually depression, but more of a "winding down after the hype." There is so much build-up to Christmas day, with all the preparations and gift-buying and decorating. The holiday spirit lives in our house for a solid month, a crescendo of excitement and wonder. Then Christmas day happens and it's over, just like that. As soon as the last present is unwrapped we usher our Christmas Spirit out the door, where it sits homeless and frightened until the next December rolls around.

Every high has a low, and every low is hard to climb out of. But the good thing is this seasonal low is met with a new year, meaning new chances and new promises. Most of those promises I make to myself will undoubtedly be broken, but at least, like every year, I'm going to try. Who knows, maybe this is the year I succeed.

My first plan of attack: actually go back to spin class no less than twice a week.

My second plan of attack: work out with my husband so we can hold each other accountable.

My third plan of attack: have my implant removed.

My fourth plan of attack: have my cavities filled. 

My fifth plan of attack: pay down my debts.

And there you have it. All these plans are worth turning on the lights and slowly driving my way out of the Christmas fog bank. Now if I could just accomplish them all from my couch ...

Snickerpoodles?

Christmas is a time of year that fosters the need for baking. I'm not much of a baker myself, so many of my attempts are as basic as possible. We're going to a friend's cookie exchange party on Monday night that requires me to make seven dozen cookies, so I needed an easy recipe. Neil and I both love snickerdoodles and I was so happy to discover their simplicity and frugality (because I'm cheap).

Neil helped me make the dough and together we assembly-lined five big batches of it. I quality-tested each one, you can rest assured. The doughs are chilling in the fridge tonight and will be baked tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait!

We also have to bring copies of the cookie recipe to share with everyone at the party. I retyped the recipe into InDesign and included a screen shot of the nutritional value from the website I stole the recipe from (ssshhh). I organized them two on a page, created a PDF and sent it to Neil asking him to print some copies for me.

He comes home with this:

My husband sure is Mr. Crafty. I love it. Takes a lot of the pressure off of me to be creative all the time. I have always admired his ability to go above and beyond in everything he sets his mind to. Even a task as simple as printing copies of a recipe is no exception.

It was a fun night to spend together, baking and laughing. I love these moments.

I've been benched

This month I gave blood for the second time in my life.

I whipped out my blood donor card to show them, with pride, the A+ blood type proudly printed for all who cared to see.  I'll admit it. I felt pretty important. It's not every one who can walk in to a donation center and actually hand over a physical part of themselves. Usually it's an old pair of jeans or a computer monitor. Nope. Not me. They don't want my old jeans anyway. But my blood ... that is valuable. That can actually save a life.

So I got greedy.

I thought since I'm such a natural at blood-giving, I'd try my hand at platelets too. I asked to have an extra vial of blood drawn to test for my eligibility. I was excited because it takes two hours to donate platelets and you get to watch a movie while a machine draws your blood, spins it in a centrifuge to separate the blood parts it needs, and then puts the unneeded blood parts back in your body. What a trip! Not to mention you're even more special and needed as a platelet donor. (I mean really, that's why we do this philanthropy stuff, right? So we can feel better about ourselves?)

So my blood went off to the lab, and I pumped out a pint of whole blood for my donation in record time before continuing home ... to wait for my acceptance letter to the world of platelet donation.

The letter came last week.

"Dear Ms. England, Thank you for your support of our Blood Donation Program ... However your Complete Blood Count collected at that donation was out of the standard range. For your own safety you will not be eligible to donate for a longer period of time before your next donation. Your platelet count is below what is required to participate in our platelet program."

I've been rejected. Not only from the platelet program, but now I have to wait longer before I can make another whole blood donation. And from the looks of it, I'm going to need my own donation of platelets since my count is now so much lower. There was a hint of sarcasm in that by the way.

Back in March of this year I had a CBC run and my platelet count was at 167, well within the range to donate blood and platelets. Fast-forward nine months to December and my platelet count is now 125 (the eligible range is 150 - 550). This could be because I gave blood back in September. It could also mean I'm B12 and Folate deficient. I may also have leukemia (no, I don't ... but I could).

Anyway, so here I sit ... sidelined from heroism when so many people need me. Stay strong everyone, help will be on the way ... once it gets some help of its own.