Patience (a virtue not yet mastered)

I've found myself growing restless. For what, I'm not entirely sure. Several things. I just wish we were at a more comfortable place in life to accomplish the things I have in mind. A new (to me) car is in the near future, whether I like the idea or not. So, it's on the horizon and competing with other adventures. We'd like to put in new floors in our house because the carpet is so nasty. But with the necessary new car, the dream of new floors is thereby set aside.

And as I get older (27 this year), I find myself noticing families growing all around me. Is this actually the fact of life that has made me the most restless? Even after all my resisting it? Could I possibly want a little family? The answer is yes. Not a big one. Just one, single addition. That's it. I don't think I could emotionally or physically handle more. I know Neil will have a hard time even with one, so I really don't want to overextend what I can manage myself. Although I'm hoping that he'll soften up whenever that day comes. He's so patient with me and my episodes that I think he'd be great with a child. Whether he wants to admit that or acknowledge it or not. But now is not the time for any of that. It hurts to even think about it knowing there's nothing I can do right now. We just don't have the finances, plain and simple. And who knows if either of us will have our jobs next week or next month or next year. I just can't help wondering when it will be our time, if ever. Just have to trust that God will let us know.

Geez. The things I think about when working alone at home. Not good.