So what if I'm domestic? I always have been at heart. I actually love staying at home, enjoying the space I've created for my little family. I even made cinnamon pumpkin rolls from scratch last night. Domestic, I am. However, maternal, I am not. There lies a chasm of difference between one side and the other.
Even though I can appreciate cute kids swinging on the arms of their doting parents, and while I can also enjoy the wonderful experience of seeing a child's eyes light up when learning something new ... I'm still not 100% sure it's right for me. I am almost certain the stress of child-rearing would kill me. I already have mini heart attacks on days I have to drive to work during rush hour. Is a child supposed to be easier to manage than that? No.
And although I love the idea of having my own offspring one day ... picking out a cute name and dressing my blond, blue-eyed, big-headed baby boy in a red plaid eddie bauer fleece and baggy baby chords (for instance) ... I'm still pretty sure
I love staying up late, and sleeping in late. I love the peace and quiet I always have in my house when I want it. I love being able to say anything I want outloud. I love driving like a bat out of hell. I love not having to talk about babies all day. I love not having to attend school functions. I love not having to leave work early because my child threw up in class. I love not having to worry about them being over-vaccinated. I love not having to worry about bad grades and disappointments. I love not having to worry about whether or not they'll say yes to the man in the van handing out candy as they walk home from school. I love not having to worry about whether they'll have the self-esteem and self-respect it takes to not be a total whore in high school.
But who knows ... maybe one day I'll also have those cute faces and personalities in our life. After all, I've already picked out their names.
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2 comments:
This made me laugh. You are amazing, you make pies, knit and made home made rolls. I have never done any of these things. You also mentioned alot of things you arent ready to worry about but it sounds like you already are. When the timing is right, it will be right. I cant imagine driving in rush hour, yuck. But I am sure you think I am crazy for having 2 kiddos 2 years apart and I know I will have more. Are you feeling outside pressure to have kids?
haha! No real outside pressure from anyone to have kids ... just questions. The pressure comes from me. It's more like indecisiveness and insecurity. One day I think I'm ready, but most days I still feel too selfish to give up most of what I love about my life. So, we'll see. :)
And I don't think you're crazy for having kids. You're maternal, and they're adorable! :)
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