The gym

Thanks to my employer and her obsession with trade agreements, I have a free gym membership at Capital Athletic Club in downtown Sacramento. It is neither convenient for me nor technologically current, but it sure is comfortable. And it's free.

A lot of middle-aged men and suits work out here. A lot of old men work out here too. There is no music playing and there isn't a single exercise machine with a tv in it. There are two tiny televisions hanging from the ceiling that are muted with subtitles and tuned to CNN or CNBC. Basically, If you forget your ipod (or if the battery dies) you're screwed.

How to have my typical workout at the gym:

Step 1: Head to the nice, carpeted locker room to change and lock up belongings. Securely fasten Ipod ear buds into ears.

Step 2: Assess the crowd in the cardio studio. See that no treadmills are available so head to the second round of exercise, the elliptical cross-trainer thing.

Step 3a: 10 minutes into workout, glance over and notice that one occupant on the treadmill is reading a book while "exercising" and scowl. Step 3b: Weigh the consequences of asking her to vacate the machine so someone else can actually use it.

Step 4: Finish work out and get second wind with a lady gaga song choice. See there is a treadmill available and hop on it.

Step 5: Begin workout. During workout, try to run in a straight line so as not to fall off the treadmill.

Step 6. When an older man comes up and asks for the tv remote that you didn't know you had, give it to him. When he says that his wife wants him to watch Sheppard Smith because she thinks he's "hhhooootttttt," ignore him.

Step 7: Ipod dies. Workout is finished. Run cool down on the machine and wipe off sweat from your eyebrows and lips. Try not to smear your mascara.

Step 8. Head to locker room. Try to sneak off your clothes while still keeping a tiny towel or two that the gym provides wrapped around you.

Step 9. Shower in the frosted glass showers. Then soon realize as the next shower is occupied that they're in fact quite see through. Run out of the shower, but make sure to keep the towel around you.

Step 10. Change quickly before locker room gets busy.

Step 11. Get stuck in traffic on the drive home but feel glad you made it to the gym after all.


Awesome. Workout completed.