It's a beautiful weekend

Just a typical day here. Soaking up the sun and relaxing.
My dogs are constant reminders to make time to rest, and just enjoy "being" now and then.

Me? Domestic?

I've had a few friends tell me I'm turning domestic. I make apple pies like there's no tomorrow now; my fridge doesn't seem complete without their leftovers as a dessert option. I have also learned to knit. Which either makes me "domestic", or elderly. I prefer the former.

So what if I'm domestic? I always have been at heart. I actually love staying at home, enjoying the space I've created for my little family. I even made cinnamon pumpkin rolls from scratch last night. Domestic, I am. However, maternal, I am not. There lies a chasm of difference between one side and the other.

Even though I can appreciate cute kids swinging on the arms of their doting parents, and while I can also enjoy the wonderful experience of seeing a child's eyes light up when learning something new ... I'm still not 100% sure it's right for me. I am almost certain the stress of child-rearing would kill me. I already have mini heart attacks on days I have to drive to work during rush hour. Is a child supposed to be easier to manage than that? No.

And although I love the idea of having my own offspring one day ... picking out a cute name and dressing my blond, blue-eyed, big-headed baby boy in a red plaid eddie bauer fleece and baggy baby chords (for instance) ... I'm still pretty sure at least for tonight that I'm just not cut out for the job.

I love staying up late, and sleeping in late. I love the peace and quiet I always have in my house when I want it. I love being able to say anything I want outloud. I love driving like a bat out of hell. I love not having to talk about babies all day. I love not having to attend school functions. I love not having to leave work early because my child threw up in class. I love not having to worry about them being over-vaccinated. I love not having to worry about bad grades and disappointments. I love not having to worry about whether or not they'll say yes to the man in the van handing out candy as they walk home from school. I love not having to worry about whether they'll have the self-esteem and self-respect it takes to not be a total whore in high school.

But who knows ... maybe one day I'll also have those cute faces and personalities in our life. After all, I've already picked out their names.

Concrete Jungle

Well, we got the carpet up and are almost done scraping the paper and glue off in the kitchen and bathrooms. There is quite a bit of patching to do to the concrete including a few huge cracks that we'll need to level the area around. Good thing we started early. This is a slow-going process! It feels nice to have the carpet up, even if my feet are cold. The dogs HATE it and were clinging to the last bit of carpet as it was ripped out. Once it was gone, they ran to the bedroom and went to bed. The cats love it though. They spent a good few minutes racing around on the concrete floor and sliding around the corners. Funny how a change in scenery can bring out different antics in them.

We're sore and tired but feel accomplished. No going back now.

Deconstructionist movement

Almost 3 years after moving into our home, our flooring remodel is underway. We are laying wood laminate in the kitchen, living room, hallway, laundry room and both bathrooms. Yes, we're insane to try this ourselves. But when there's a budget, you do what you can to stick to it. It'll take longer than if professionals were laying it, but I think we'll appreciate it more by doing it ourselves anyway.

The flooring was ordered last week and we're waiting for it to come in so we can pick it up at the warehouse. We got a beautiful walnut color, 12mm thick, for only $1.49 a sq ft. We ordered 850 sq ft. I'm hoping it actually looks great once we have it installed, hard to imagine when all you have to go on is a small 5x5 sample.

We began ripping up the linoleum Monday evening. It was glued much more than we assumed it would be, so we're having a heck of a time scraping it off the concrete slab. Slowly and surely, this will get done. Especially with the help of our awesome, die-hard friends who are helping us through our process. We are very, very thankful for all of them and apologize in advance for any wounds or broken body parts when we're done. :)

This is our kitchen floor under the knife.

Knit two, purl two, slip stitch

I quickly decided that crocheting was not for me due to the uncomfortable pain it caused my hand. So, instead I signed up for knitting classes. I LOVE IT! It's something fun I can relax and concentrate on. It's almost therapeutic. Until I screw a knit or purl up and have to figure out where I went wrong. That gets a little frustrating, but the more I make mistakes and fix them, the better I get.

For our 3rd class, we learned how to make a ruffle scarf. It's not finished yet, but I'm on my way. I also made an apple pie. I'm such a homemaker these days. :)

A New Skill

Crocheting.
I have decided to learn a new skill. At least I hope it will become one. I really need a creative outlet that allows me to stay relaxed and comfortable on my couch. I love painting but have come to realize that the clutter and mess of it ruins the fun for me (which is why I haven't attempted it in years). The idea of cleaning up everything and scrubbing dried paint out of my brushes and hands overwhelms me. Lame, I know. But I've learned over the years that it's not so easy to change myself. Instead I try to find ways to deal with me. Knitting and crocheting are appealing because I can still enjoy the couch and tv while making something beautiful at the same time. And it doesn't involve a computer — the best part. I've been spending precious hours online with nothing to show for it but way too many status updates on Facebook. Who knows ... maybe I was born to crochet? I've always wanted to be crafty, so now I'm going to make the attempt.

There's a little yarn shop in town next to the coffee shop where I always meet two close friends on Saturday mornings. We're going to check it out. They offer classes for all skill levels and I'm pretty excited about enrolling in one.

I just want to find something I'm really good at. That I can profit from and enjoy. That I can have a true passion for. I'd like to say that was graphic design ... but some days all it feels like is my "job" and not my love.

Maybe my thoughts are going overboard, but hey ... a girl can dream.

A trip to the past

The other night, just for fun, I decided to take a journey to the past. Yes, that's right, I'm a master of space and time. At least in cyberspace. Where my very first blog lives forever, until I decide to cut the lifeline.

This blog holds a special place in my heart. Its contents document not only the start of my college life, but the beginning of my life with Neil; how we met and how our relationship grew over the years. It was quite an experience, reading what "past me" had to say about the world.

I sure was opinionated then. That hasn't changed much but I like to think that I put more thought into my words now. I was also immature then ... so many thoughts lacking verbal finesse. It's almost embarrassing to read. I had no clue who I was or what I wanted from life, but there was a certain energy I fed on. It was a life of very few responsibilities, very little stress and a lot of new friends. A much simpler time, but certainly not as fulfilled as my life eventually would become. Today it's nice to recognize, no matter how much I feel unsure of it, that I really have grown up.

But being able to pinpoint the very moment I fell in love with Neil, as told through the words of a 19-year-old forever locked in cyber-print.... is priceless.

Wrong Is the New Right

Just when I think the world couldn't be more backward than it already is, I'm proven wrong. So many bad decisions, so many issues ... but somehow it all "works out" for them, at least on the surface. And I sit back, observing, taking notes. I bite my tongue while reminding myself to be patient because it needs to be right; that one day it will be right for me and the scenery in my bubble will change.

I could write a blog. I have thoughts.

Just finished watching Julie and Julia again. I love this movie. It always makes me want to attempt something difficult in the kitchen so I can experience a remarkable sense of accomplishment. But alas, I've been defeated by far inferior foods in the kitchen before and so my doubts send me crashing back to reality. Although, Julia Child does tell us to face our fears and let our confidence guide our cooking. Maybe I need to just give it a go? What's the worst that could happen? At the very least, it will serve as a rather entertaining photojournalist opportunity. To be continued when we're back from paradise ...

Another hurdle

It always seems that just when I'm excited about our upcoming trip and all the relaxation that's in store for me, another bump lands in our road. As if to make me feel guilty for going on vacation. As if to say "hey, you shouldn't be spending money." I already know this is the last big vacation we'll have in a very long while, so I hardly think it's fair I should be reminded so repeatedly and so expensively that we are not well off and need to save every penny.

So, on top of Neil's two trips to the ER and my car breaking down earlier in the month ... Neil's saab decides to call it quits on Christmas Eve. The sad part is that it may be beyond repair. The car itself isn't worth more than $1500 in running condition and its current diagnosis is engine failure. A new engine costs more to repair than the car is worth. So, we may end up with a new(er) car and a payment that I am nowhere near ready to wrap my mind around.

But, things have always worked out for us in the past, so I know this hurdle will be no different. Because it's all about the attitude. It's just going to take some thinking, and some financial reorganizing, some deal hunting, and some know how. (did I just write "know how?") And even if the idea of getting second jobs is no longer idle chit chat for us, we'll do what we have to to make it work, like Tim Gunn tells us to.

Treading water in the meantime

God, please give me the patience I am so desperately needing as I feel myself slipping into that all too familiar rut; that rut that makes me want to scream how unfair and unbalanced life can seem sometimes. I know it's a bit dramatic, but I've never been good at waiting. Especially waiting around for whatever I'm supposed to do and be in my life. Please help me to remember I am on your time line, and not my own. Help me take comfort in the path chosen for me and the turns it will take in my future. I've never been good at this, but I have no choice but to wait. Help me to do it gracefully.

Winterapathy

What is with my apathy as of late? Oh ... yeah ... Winter. Oh why must you be so rainy and cold? I'd actually much prefer you be bitter cold and snowy than your typical damp, achy and soaking. Feels like I'm always just getting out an outdoor shower, but with no towel to dry off. Weird, but it does. Some people call the winter depression seasonal affective disorder. But I'm not depressed ... just lazy. My word for it is "Winterapathy." (trade marked, Jaime England Inc.)

But other than the uncomfortable weather and ugly, bare trees ... the feelings are right this time of year. Like for instance ... normally I would be freaking out that Neil's two ER trips this month cost us $400 and my car's recent trip to the shop is going to cost us another $400 (all a month short of our trip to Hawaii). Normally ... I would be a tightly wound ball of stress regarding this unfortunate setback. But Christmas seems to make everything better. I just sit on the couch, bask in the glow of the tree lights while drinking my eggnog, and completely drown out the world. I'm going to miss this escape when it's over.

One thing I can say though ... it's so great, for my weak will power's sake, that eggnog is only sold seasonally.

'Tis the season

Just realized I've been kinda lame at updating this lately. 'Tis the season to get distracted I guess.

Christmas is just around the next corner, so soon after closing the door on 2009's Thanksgiving. It was another interesting turkey day this year, spent up in the cabin near Mt. Shasta. We spend this holiday with Neil's family and make a point of going up the mountain to barbarically chop down a living tree for our holiday amusement. I love it. The tree part, not so much the being in a small cabin with a lot of people for several days part. But that has its moments too. It's definitely not a time without its memories; both good and not so good. But either way, we're very thankful for the beautiful tree and the Christmas merriment that it always brings to our humble dwelling. My, aren't I fancy?

Anyway, need to get off the computer for now. I forgot my glasses and a migraine is the last thing on the menu for today. Actually, maybe I'll leave it off the menu all together.

A recap

Here we are, halfway through November already. (did I just say November?)

I turned 27 this year. Neil planned the most romantic, surprise, long Halloween weekend trip for us to Los Angeles/Disneyland to celebrate. It was such a fantastic time! Disneyland is phenomenal during Halloween. Jack-o-lanterns and orange flowers everywhere, and the Haunted Mansion was decorated to the theme of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The kids in their costumes were adorable and the weather couldn't have been better. Makes me want to spend Halloween that way every year. Although I know one year it would be so much fun to go if we ever have a child. I was about to tear up seeing everyone else's little cuties ... watching the little ones' eyes light up when they saw Mickey or Tinkerbell. It was a blast, and of course I love my husband all the more for it. He really knows how to make me feel like a million bucks. :)



But now we're back into the swing of things and getting ready for the next big holidays. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. In two weeks we'll be at the cabin with Neil's family and all the dogs, getting ready to go Christmas tree hunting on Mt. Shasta. And then the day we get home we'll begin transforming the house to Christmas.

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And as usual for the Oliver side of my family, we have another elderly family member in the hospital during the holidays. My great aunt went in for a hip replacement surgery and had a minor stroke during the procedure. Her lucidity is night and day now from before her operation and that worries me. Hopefully the stroke is something she'll be able to work through but it seems for now her hometown will be Elk Grove, instead of the beautiful Monterey Bay she's accustomed to. It's so incredibly hard to watch your family age. And man does it happen quickly. Time has no sympathy. It's just business as usual. Something we should all do well to remember.

Good things

Phew, it's been awhile.

Life continues to be great. Not always super, but I can hardly complain. My complaints sound so petty when generally I can't believe how good I've actually got it. I am thankful for this every day.

Every. Single. Day.

Some more good things to add to the list:

1. Grandpa has been in the hospital for the past several weeks after some complications from a routine quadruple-bypass. There was a point where I just knew I'd be booking a flight to Savannah to experience a very sad, sad day. But just after hearing of his grave condition, that night he wakes up in his sleep and decides to get back to normal. I'm a-ok with that.

2. I got a chance to hang out with my family for a combined birthday celebration for me and my brother. It's fun having October birthdays. Such a lovely time of year.

3. Our friends are awesome to hang out with.

4. Our dogs are the best.

5. We have a place to live that keeps me dry and warm.

6. Although my car is on its way out, it still works its hardest to keep me safe and always has.

7. Neil keeps me sane, even when he drives me to insanity. <3

8. We both still have our jobs.

I am so blessed.