Absence

I knew how hard dealing with deployment would be when we agreed to this. I'm not a complete stranger to military life. I knew deep down it would be the most difficult thing I'd have to endure to date; the absence of the one my heart belongs to. But I don't think I really realized the magnitude. Or what a roller coaster it would be.

I hate feeling insecure. It took me years to build the confidence I have now, but this new life is doing its best to break me down. I won't let it, of course, but I'd rather not let it effect me quite so much.

I'm sure it takes years of practice to be comfortable with the distance, for it to get even a little bit easier. But this year has been rough. To go from being attached to someone's hip to having more freedom than I'm comfortable handling ... it's suffocating, ironically.

And on days like today, when he's supposed to call but can't or doesn't ... when I've been waiting two weeks just to hear the sound of his voice ... it wears me down. It's all I can do to remind myself it's because he can't call, not because he doesn't want to. Such stupid feelings. Such sadness. The ramblings of an insanely lonely woman. As much as the move ahead scares me, October can't get here soon enough.
I want my family back.